OK, stop!
All right, enough for today.
Come on girls, we need more sex and less modern dance.
Tits and ass not pas de deux.
The doctor said to the man, you have two types of testicles.
Balls.
One is made outta wood, the other metal.
The man looks at him like a big question mark.
The doctor doesn't know what to say either,
and asks him:
"Do you have any children?"
The man says:
"Yeah, two -
"Pinocchio is 3 and Terminator is going on 7".
That was joke?
Of course it was, damn.
Who is Ponocchio?
Pinocchio ...
is a marionette, a wooden doll.
Terminator is made of steel.
I don't get it. - You weren't listening.
Of course I was listening.
No you weren't.
I have to tell you everything 3 times and you still don't get it.
I understand your shit just fine.
The Terminator is a machine, made out of metal.
But why ...
is a kid a puppet? Huh?
OK, that's it. God damn it.
That's the last time I ever tell you a joke.
You guys drive the car to Curtis, park it,
give him the fucking keys and get the hell out of there.
Got it, boss. - You don't got nothin'.
"Drive" means you don't stop anywhere.
But if we have to pee.
Then one of you gets out of the car and pees.
The other stays in the car.
Never leave the car alone. OK?
Hello, did you get that, Abdul?
Yeah, OK boss, got it.
I’ll throw this coin in the air and whoever...
Abdul!
Hank'll drive the car first.
You can trade off later. But Hank is first.
Always Hank. Hank does this and Hank does that.
Can't you wait till I get in?
Be careful, you idiots!
Good morning.
My appointment is today.
Can I smoke? - No smoking in this area.
Rudi Wurlitzer.
Come with me.
Undress, please.
Boxer shorts, too?
No, that's enough.
Come here. A urine sample.
Nurse,
Another cup. This is full.
I just went a half hour ago.
Should I either let the faucet run, or get a catheter?
Inhale deeply and ...
hold your breath!
No.
Damn.
As I always say: Annual check-ups.
Where is it? Here?
Then cut it out.
We could do that.
What do you mean, "we could do that"?
That means, you have a tumor in your head,
it's already pretty big.
Getting bigger, right into the brain. Not so good.
You're too late.
How much time do I have?
Every day counts.
My father died ...
from bone cancer, too.
They amputated everything.
But it didn't help.
He died anyway.
When was that, Mr. Wurlitzer?
20 years ago.
Medical technology has come quite a ways in 20 years.
Yeah, technology maybe.
But you still don't have a chance against cancer or AIDS.
There will always be sicknesses we can't cure. That's right.
I understand that you're worried.
Worried?
What bothers me is ...
that death is such an uncomfortable form of living.
Come on, come on.
Oh no.
You're not at home, Mr. Brest.
This is a hospital and not a fairground.
Mr. Wurlitzer, here's your bed.
Put your things in the closet over there.
Dr. Wortmann will stop by this evening. Go ahead and relax.
Thank you. - I wouldn't worry.
The doctor will soon put a stop to the cigarettes.
Nurse!
I could use a blow job ...
or a manicure.
Move over. My turn to drive.
Say what?
"Say what?" Frankie said to trade off with driving.
So trade.
Jesus Christ. We aren't even half way there yet.
Allah, move it - or do I have to blow your brains?
Jesus...
Hank, why you always have to get upset, eh?
Lt's an automatic. Ya gotta put it on "D".
I know.
On "D"!
I know.
Anyway, you mean "blow your brains out" ...
and not "blow your brains".
I know.
What's up?
Just checking. Everything OK?
What's OK?
You looked pretty dead, that's why I checked.
Or do you think I want to share my room with a corpse?
I’m not dead.
I’m still alive.
Well, hurray for you.
I have a tumor in my head - as big as a tennis ball.
If I’m lucky, I may have a few days.
They really told you that?
I have cancer.
Bone cancer.
Then this must be the croak wing.
A broom closet for the dying.
Maybe we should have asked somebody.
"Nurse,
"we need some salt and lemons, we want to get wasted on tequila."
Well done, Abdul. Just great.
The light was red. - I know.
Just one scratch and Frankie'll kill us.
Have you guys lost it?
Where'd you come from?
You almost killed me, you jerks.
My leg.
ls it painful? Are you hurt?
Yeah, Achmed.
But nothing happened.
Are you a fucking doctor or what?
Hey, kid. Everything's fine.
You want a banana?
I want you to take me to the hospital. Ln this car.
Assholes.
Kid, this car only has two seats.
Then get into the trunk. You can't drive anyway.
Smoking.
Smoking helps.
Smoking.
No way.
Smoking harms your health.
Do I have lung cancer?
You're on the beach ...
and you can taste the salty smell of the sea breeze coming off the ocean.
Inside, a deep sense of total freedom.
And on your lips,
you feel the bitter tears ...
left by your girlfriend's kiss.
I’ve never been to the ocean.
That can't be true.
You've never once been to the ocean?
No never, not once.
Here we are both knockin' on heaven's door,
getting wasted on tequila.
I mean, we're ...
croak experts.
And you've never even been to the ocean.
Never. Not once.
Don't you know what happens in heaven?
Ln heaven,
all they talk about is the ocean.
How gorgeously beautiful it is.
And all the sunsets that they saw -
how the sun turned bloodred before it disappeared into the sea.
And how you could feel the sun lose its strength.
And how the cool water splashed on ...
and the only fire left, was the fire in their souls.
And you?
You can't say a thing,
because you've never been there.
You'll be nothing but a fucking outsider.
And, there's nothing we can do about it?
Does it hurt?
Tell me what happened?
Those two jerks over there ...
ran a red light ...
and slammed right into me.
Do me a favor?
Don't let 'em get away.
There'll just be problems with the insurance.
No problem.
Hey, listen. We're in a hurry.
The kid's ok.
We'll let the doctor decide that.
Smash the windshield!
Run over a kid, then run for it.
Don't let 'em get away!
We're on a real important mission.
OK, shut up and hands up. Hank, let's go.
What the fuck...
Did you say something, girly.
Hank says, we're in a hurry. Abdul says, we go. OK?
Are you guys crazy? Don't let them get away!
You gotta just hit it.
The ignition, huh?
Tell me, how's your leg?
Lt's better.
No more pain?
Yeah, pain gone!!
Little mother-fucker.
Get out of the way, asshole.
ls the operation already over?
Yeah, you're in heaven.
I’m God and that's St. Peter.
Oh shit.
Excuse us, please.
Could you tell us ...
where the exit is?
Up front to the left.
Look! They drive the same car we do.
Where did you get the gun?
Lt was in the glove box.
Glove box?
What's this car?
It's a Mercedes 230 SL in baby blue.
I mean,
whose is it?
How do I know? We stole it.
You mean,
I’m a car thief?
You could say that.
I must be totally out of it.
You even helped pick it out.
You're Martin Brest, right?
The guy from the hospital. Are we going to start all over?
We're on the way to the ocean. You've never been, so we're going.
I don't think I want to do that.
Then you won't be in the loop.
Yeah, I know.
I want to go to, too.
But I’m a little scared.
Hey, listen to me.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Didn't I say ...
no one leaves the fuckin' car?
Didn't I tell you idiots ...
to keep your eye on the car at all times?
Didn't I?
You did, boss.
Then why didn't you guys follow my instructions?
Boss, there was this kid...
I’m sick of your shit.
I could kill both of you.
I mean, I have the fucking right to do that.
But, I want my car back.
So, I’ll give you one more chance.
Bring back the car ...
plus the two fuckers who stole it.
And I mean pronto.
Got that?
Good morning.
That'll be 85.70
I know. But I don't have any money.
A fat Mercedes and no money.
Then give me your clothes.
Well, it seems to me ...
we've got a bit of a problem here.
Am I supposed to be afraid?
Martin,
don't be a fool.
Great, finally someone with a bit of sense.
Drop the gun. I don't want to be a part of this.
This is armed robbery.
Oh no.
What did I say? Whatever.
Rudi, back to the car.
I’m not going back to the car.
Right now it's just armed something. Nothing's happened yet.
But you want to.
Hey boys... - Just a sec.
We're broke. Or do you have cash?
Boys! - Wait a sec.
We can't do this. - Why not?
Because it's illegal.
Boys!
What!
Let me help you. My fingers are falling asleep.
Maybe you should make a plan first before robbing me.
You're getting on my nerves, man. The gun is real.
That I can see.
But what could possibly happen to me?
Right now it's 2 minutes to 1 1 .
And my friend comes by at 1 1 .
He's a police officer. He always comes by at 1 1 .
He comes in,
makes sure everything's OK,
drinks a schnapps and then he goes.
That is, if everything's OK.
Where's Klaus?
Who's Klaus?
I come here every day at 1 1 ...
and Klaus is always there, where you are.
Oh, Klaus.
He's sick.
Say you're telling the truth and he's sick.
Then, what's that car out there?
That's a Mercedes 230 SL in baby blue.
Baby blue.
Whose?
You're a tough one.
OK, OK.
I stole the car last night with Rudi.
Who's Rudi?
Rudi Wurlitzer.
We need to get to the ocean and don't have a car.
What were we supposed to do? Walk?
And Klaus really isn't sick.
Well, maybe up here.
But he wanted my clothes.
I can't do that cuz' I'd be naked.
He's sitting down here with a loaded gun pointed at his head.
That's good,
very good.
On the house, as usual.
No, that cost 2.50
You can pull that with Klaus, he's your friend.
But it costs 2.50 when I’m here.
Good day, my friends.
What can I do for you?
How much is this car?
Lt's a 230 SL, 1 70 horsepower.
My friend asked what it costs.
You mean, as is?
Leather upholstery,
special paint job,
stereo radio ...
with CD player.
How much?
Because you're a foreigner.
And foreigners having problems in Germany.
75,000
Are you crazy?
Lt's used.
I know that.
But it's a rare car.
And rare cars ...
mucho expensive.
But first, a contract.
Got any money? - Not that much.
Me, neither.
Let's bump the guy.
Bump off.
Take car.
Could we reserve the car till tonight?
Yeah, sure.
Looking sharp, Rudi.
I’d try on the red one again, if I were you.
I’ll try the red one again. But I think I’ll take this one.
If you rob this store, then I’m out of here. Got that?
Got it.
Can I smoke here?
Of course.
So, what's the total on all this so far?
Well, your outfit alone costs 2,300
2,300?
Well, looks like I need to get more money first.
Let me give you ...
3,000 to begin with.
Rudi...
These are the coolest clothes I’ve ever had on.
Cheap. With your oil company - they won't even notice.
Exactly.
Let me go get some cash, OK?
Sorry. Lunchtime.
No lunch today.
If you don't say anything, nothing is going to happen.
You have 3 seconds to tell me what I want and ...
this isn't a squirt gun.
You want all the money.
Keep a hundred, pack up the rest.
Let's go.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Excuse me for asking, but I don't often see customers come in ...
with their pajamas on.
And I’m even barefoot.
My name is Martin Brest and as you can see,
I’m robbing your stupid bank.
See, I’ve picked out this wonderful suit ...
but can't pay for it.
You can forget the speech, it doesn't record sound.
80,000
Look at that guy.
What's with him?
Classy suit!
Let's go.
I’ll take the black one.
This should do it. Let's go.
What? - The rest is for you.
I think we can put our hands down now.
Hands up! This is a stick up!
What you looking? All your money or I bang!
You're about 1 minute too late.
This red suit looks totally ridiculous.
What's with you?
Red's your color!
What's in the bag?
Come on, let's go.
If you don't tell me, then I’ll stand here forever.
Ah, fuckers.
60, 70,
75 ...
75 thousand.
And I’m wearing this ridiculous red suit.
We'll buy you a new one.
What's wrong? We'll buy a new one.
Or two.
Trinidad. - Tierra Del Fuego.
Bora-Bora.
Hawaii.
Somewhere that you can't even pronounce.
I just want to see the ocean.
Do you really think we'll sit on clouds and talk about the ocean all day?
I’m convinced of it.
Boss, we just got this in from Wiesbaden.
Well? - Nothing.
Martin Brest is like snow.
Ah, you mean...
No, he's clean.
Then why did he loose it? Never involved with the law.
Then armed robbery at the bank, at the gas station.
And the car, the Mercedes convertible. - Pagode.
Nothing.
And guess why.
Issue a search warrant, Keller. A search warrant.
Got it, boss.
Hey, Keller.
Nothing.
One million.
And you, idiot, you go rob a bank.
A million.
Lt's a lucky car.
And now?
If you need anything, let me know.
What?
Thank you. Have a nice stay.
Hey, thanks!
What's the hurry?
I quit.
Found anything? The place is a mess.
Sure, boss. Guess what I found here?
Lt's a reminder for a check-up at the clinic.
Ln half an hour. We can make it.
That was yesterday.
That'll be tough.
We'll each have number 1 5 ...
and what else can you recommend?
Oh yeah. What's that?
Then we'll each have ice cream.
And a bottle of...
No, two bottles ...
and two glasses, please.
1 0 minutes?
Thanks.
And a French dictionary, please.
No problem, boss.
Yeah, Frank.
The cops are looking for it, too.
We're listening to police radio.
You can count on us, Frank. 1 20%
Lookin' good. Why don't we go for drinks?
If you smile, why can't you stop?
1 20%
Can you...
What did Frankie say?
Frankie said,
if we two idiots don't find the car before the cops do,
then we're in for it.
Yeh, right. Frank's soft.
Are you making a joke, or what?
I’ve heard that Frankie bit the balls off some guy because he owed him money.
And swallowed them.
Ah, that was great.
Tell me. What was it?
Bull testicles.
You mean we ate bull's balls?
That's what it looks like.
Then I hope the ice cream was ice cream.
How many you got?
Eight.
And you? How many?
Twenty.
Don't forget, the doctor said you only have a few days.
Maybe we should choose only one. The most important.
That's tough.
I can't decide.
We'll do it like this.
I’ll choose one from your sheet, and you one from mine.
Who starts? - You.
You had twenty.
Then I’ll take number ...
one. Number one.
One.
That's the Cadillac for my Mom.
A Cadillac for your Mom?
A Cadillac Fleetwood.
Like the one Elvis gave his Mom.
My Mom is the biggest Elvis fan in the world.
When I was little I sat in front of the TV ...
with my Mom ...
and we saw it on TV.
My Mom sat there and cried.
Ever since then ...
I’ve wanted to give her the same Cadillac.
But I never had any money.
That's a good wish.
I like it.
Lt's your turn. Pick a number.
You had 8? Then I’ll take number 7.
No, I’ll take number one, too.
Can't we pick another one?
That's your wish?
Your number one wish?
OK, it's not as good as the Cadillac for you Mom but...
You want to fuck two women.
Sleep with them.
Fuck. You mean fuck.
That's how you say it.
That's how everyone says it.
Sleep.
Sleep means closing your eyes and turning over.
What you want is to fuck.
Come on, Martin!
Wake up.
What's up?
The police.
Drop the guns ...
or I’ll shoot the hostage.
Strip!
What's going on? Did you catch them?
Am I Batman?
Are you the manager?
They've got TNT and want to blow up everything.
We'll alarm the bomb squad.
Classy wheels, huh?
What? - The car. Lt's hot.
Lt's our car.
Your car?
Someone stole it.
That's tough. - Those things happen.
Happen? The two asshole robbers are staying at the hotel.
Probably.
ls that your car?
Here's the key.
You shouldn't keep them behind the visor.
I’m coming, guys.
Those were two nice cops!
I knew, I could count on you guys.
Good work, you two.
Where's the suitcase?
What suitcase, Frankie?
Cut the Frankie bull. The suitcase with my money.
We don't know nothing about a suitcase.
That I can see.
There was a suitcase with one million in it that I owed Curtis.
And now you owe me that million.
But Frankie, where are we supposed to find a million?
What do I know.
Go to the bank, play the lottery, ask Mom.
Lt was the idiot police. They stole it.
They're all syrup.
Corrupt.
I know, I know.
ls something wrong?
Identification, please.
Here's the registration ...
and my driver's license.
The car's almost new.
Less than a year.
How much mileage?
Less than 30,000.
Did you serve in the Army?
Four years. - Just yes or no.
Yes sir. Ever had radiator problems?
Who?
The car.
No. No problems.
I don't see any problems, either. I think he's our man for the mission.
What mission?
Get out.
Come here.
We are on a special mission.
We have chosen you because we believe that you are our man for the mission.
Mission?
Can I earn a little extra money?
Lt's a government mission.
Yes sir.
Mr. Schneider!
Detective Schneider.
Detective, I wanted to tell you,
this Brest guy has now stolen a police car.
Couldn't you wait until I was back in the office?
But there's more.
Oh, yeah? Should I guess? - You'll never get it.
The other one, Wurlitzer, is his hostage!
He threatened him with the gun and wanted to kill him.
How did you ever make it out of the Academy?
Through the door.
Power of attorney, passports.
Considering everything, they can't be much further than here.
Good job. Thinking helps.
Want to earn extra points?
You bet, boss.
Start a circular search.
Keller get us a copter. We'll fly in.
Chopper.
What?
Official short for helicopter is chopper.
As long as it flies, fuck what it's called.
Hands on your head and step away from the car.
What?
Hands on your head. I’m a cop.
So am I.
Come here. I need your help.
Problems with the radiator.
I filled up the water but it's still overheated.
I know zilch about cars. Where's your badge?
Listen carefully.
I’m on a special government mission.
With a message for the President.
The best thing would be for me to take the chopper.
Pronto.
Any power of attorney?
I used to think police cars always worked.
Need no repair.
Like UFOs.
Never break down.
Everything OK, partner?
Just fine.
You can fly with us.
You'll be sorry for this.
Have this in stock?
Excuse me.
You need a prescription for this. - Hurry up.
Lt's a matter of life or death,
I’ll pay anything.
I can't. This is a very strong medication.
Let's get a move on!
Boss, you have to see this...
Many shots were fired.
No one knows how many are wounded or dead.
We will now go live, on the scene.
Getting a little personal, aren't we?
I’ve got nothing to lose, man.
The guy is sick!
Get the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck out of here, man. You got 2 minutes.
That was approximately 1 0 minutes ago.
Police have drawn back.
Martin Brest and his hostage took refuge
in this Turkish cafe.
Why am I hearing this on TV first?
Brest is obviously mentally ill.
Monday night, he kidnapped his hostage, Rudi Wurlitzer, from the clinic.
Where's her tits, man?
Snipers.
Think there are snipers on the roof?
If so, you'd be history by now.
I’m the hostage.
They wouldn't kill me.
Lt's happened before.
The Helsinki syndrome describes a change in the relationship ...
of the hostage towards the kidnapper.
A radical subconscious alteration in their survival strategy.
First, the hostage is in a state of panic.
But then suddenly ...
he empathizes with and even seeks friendship with the kidnapper.
But the kidnapper is without remorse. Only his plan counts.
What plan?
This is the biggest piece of shit ever.
Leave the psycho-analysis to me.
Analyze whatever you want.
But these two guys are trying to fuck us over royally.
Lt's OK. No need to pay.
I can't give you change for all that.
I’m not a bank. - Keep the change.
They're coming out.
Get your ass in gear.
So sorry, I need your car.
Inside, meathead.
Don't call me meathead!
Other side.
Brest left the cafe in a confiscated red Capri.
Yesterday he robbed a bank ...
and got away with about 80,000 marks.
Let's not forget my million.
No idea what he has planned for Wurlitzer.
Let's hope the hostage is safe.
More as soon as we hear any new developments.
Corrupt pigs.
Shit.
And he was carrying my suitcase, too.
Get Carlos.
And the Rodriguez brothers.
And get ...
my ...
cash ...
back.
Boss, they stole an other car and are headed for Holland.
Tell the guys to follow them ...
discreetly.
Are they stupid, or what? Don't they think you could shoot me?
Well there went your driver's license.
If I had known, I would have studied something else.
You mean, you went to school?
We lost them.
We really lost them.
They're gone.
Lucky bastards, boss.
A little too lucky for me.
Your turn to take over.
You're in charge. Show them what you're made of!
Yes sir, boss. I’ll get 'em!
I’ll show them who's boss!
Boss! Come back! Boss!
What's going on? Get out!
Have a problem? Come to the window.
No can do. Someone could see my gun.
Don't be too hasty.
You can put your hands down.
Do you know me?
No.
Read this.
I’m married.
No children yet, but my wife is pregnant.
Hey, that's nice. Congratulations!
Listen,
here are 80,000 marks - I stole that from a bank.
You can read about that later.
Here are 3,000 marks - that's what I took from the gas station.
I want you to give the money back.
Can I count on you? - Of course.
That takes care of the problems I have with you guys.
If another cop ever crosses my path,
I’ll kill the hostage.
Well? Everything set? - Yep, our debts are paid.
Wish I could say that.
Go for it, TJ.
If you ever need a taxi, call 2727!
Good day gentlemen. What can I do for you?
Haven't I seen you before?
We want to buy a Cadillac.
Exactly the same one Elvis bought his mom.
No problem.
Hostage taken
Hempel, Cornelia Elizabeth. 1 0,000...
And the street?
I told you: Chicken Street.
That's a stupid name for a street.
OK, go ahead and mail them.
What's that for?
A Cadillac for your Mom, two girls for me.
I should at least be able to take them to dinner.
Hey, the Caddie.
Hi, Mom.
Martin?
My boy.
What happened to your face?
Tell me, where have you been?
Look what I brought you.
Lt's beautiful.
Just beautiful.
But I don't even have a driver's license.
And you're not Elvis.
Drop the gun, Brest.
Or I’ll shoot your balls off.
Do what he says, Martin.
I can't, Rudi.
Drop the gun.
Forget the ocean for now.
I’ll get there.
You, yes. But I won't.
Good job, Brest.
You liar.
All I hear about is ocean and you haven't seen it either.
Arrest the jerk.
The man is dying! He's terminally ill.
Get an ambulance or you can arrest him in heaven.
I’ll go with him.
What, you're going with him?
After everything he did to you?
I know the doctor and the clinic, he's my friend so ...
I’m going with him.
Helsinki syndrome.
Go along.
ls this a whorehouse or a modern dance class?
You said it.
A whorehouse, boy.
What?
Whorehouse.
What about you?
Hey, this is your wish, Rudi.
Could I have two?
You can have them all,
if you have the money.
You guys finished?
Then start in on the toilets.
Nah, no toilets today boss.
No toilets, eh?
And why don't you think so, Abdul?
They're here!
Didn't you like it?
Of course.
But you look so sad.
There are so many things in my life I haven't done.
So many things I haven't said.
But, you know?
That was probably ...
the greatest fuck in my entire life.
And your last.
Asshole.
Now that we're all together.
Where's my money?
What money?
Don't try to fuck with me.
Tell me where my money is.
And I’ll let you live.
What's so funny?
Actually nothing.
Yeah, right.
So, where were we?
The money.
We gave it to all sorts of people. Lt's all gone.
Why are you making it so difficult?
Now I have to blow you away.
Go ahead.
I have a brain tumor and couldn't care less.
Then I’ll kill you.
I don't want to upset you,
but I have bone cancer.
Final stage.
I don't care either. - Shut up.
Time to say goodbye.
Well, here we are.
Can you taste the salt?
I have to tell you something.
I know.
Let me tell you something.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Spread'em.
Hey, what's going on?
Where did this come from?
From Santa?
Nah. There was a letter in the mail.
Ln the mail?
From Rudi and Martin.
From Rudi and Martin?
Honest. Hey, I don't even know the guys.
Let's say you're telling the truth,
and this was in the mail.
Then who in heaven's name are Rudi and Martin?